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“My 11-year-old son has been bullied for 18 months and on occasion, has been hospitalised for his injuries. The latest incident was when he had his head pushed down a toilet at school.”
“I challenged the head teacher of my
eight-year-old daughter’s school about her lack of care that my daughter was being bullied.
I’ve just received a letter excluding me
from the school!”
His dad says, ‘toughen up’, but he’s so scared it makes me cry.
These quotes are examples of some of the distressing calls handled by Parentline Plus each day. As the biggest independent provider of parent support in the country, we recognise that bullying is a very serious problem and a cause of misery to both child and parent.
Research and expertise from these helpline calls suggests that bullying can have serious, long-term negative effects on children’s well being and self esteem and may prevent them from achieving their potential at school.
For many children, the threat of bullying is linked to the refusal to attend school and/or to do schoolwork.
It is also our experience that many parents are wary of approaching their child’s school about bullying – sometimes because their child worries that this will make things worse, and often because parents’ own experience of school make them fearful.
- Excuses to miss school with stomach or headaches, or they might be truanting.
- Torn clothes, broken or missing school things, or lost money.
- More bruises and scrapes than usual.
- Signs of stress – being moody/silent or crying, or bullying a younger sibling or friend.
Schools are determined to stamp out bullying and most now have anti-bullying policies to help both the school, the children and the parents to work together to stop bullying.
What to do…
- Listen and talk to them. They may feel out of control and
ashamed - whether they are being bullied or bullying.
Let them know you love them and want to help.
- Be clear that it is important for the bullying to stop and that the
school will need to be involved.
- If your child is bullying others, think about what might be behind it – are they trying to get attention or fit in with the crowd, or
are they unaware of how they are hurting others?
- Talk to the school as soon as possible. Try to stay calm when you
talk to the teachers – it helps to write down what you know and
what the school says to you about what they are going to do.
- If you think things are not getting better, ask to see the school’s
anti-bullying policy and make an appointment to see the
head teacher.
- Take care of yourself. Coping with your child’s bullying may be
very stressful – especially if it brings back memories of your own
experiences. Try to take time for yourself or talk over what you
feel with a friend or family.
On the web: www.parentlineplus.org.uk
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